Vod's Blog

I know I have a weird variety of subjects here, but that’s me. Of the weird variety.

People who know me (both of them) know that I am a huge fan of Iron Chef. Not the American version, which is okay (except for Bobby Flay… jackass…), but the original Japanese version rules. It’s a cross between sports, a cooking show, and a Godzilla movie. I have been lucky enough to get hundreds of episodes from the far corners of the internets, and I figured I would do some commentary on them here.

For starters, today’s subject; The Yogurt Battle.

Challenger Junichi Itoh chose Chen Kenichi (Iron Chef Chinese); Chairman Kaga had Yogurt waiting for them. It seemed pretty cut and dry: Chinese food doesn’t use a lot of yogurt, and the other guy was a Japanese AND French expert, plus had experience in Italian.

Of course, Chen kicks ass and won. Sorry I don’t have more, I can’t pay full attention to these. Tomorrows will be better.

Ad if not, no one ever reads this thing anyway.

Yesterday I wrote about the potential virtues of thought control for making dieting an enjoyable experience. Today, I figured I would write about some ideas for using this technology:http://www.io2technology.com/ 

It’s a REAL LIFE FREAKING HOLOGRAM. It doesn’t use water vapor; it changes the air above it. No kidding, it changes the air and projects on to it. I’m not sure, but I think God is a board member for this company. The most interesting things about this is that it’s not JUST a hologram (just…), it displays whatever the computer hooked up to it displays, and in a move of pure “Stick this up your ass, Star Wars” move, you can interact with it by touching the image in the air. 

You read that right, and if you don’t believe me, click the link above and go to hell. Just kidding, but click the link anyway. 

This has tons of practical applications, but what I care about most is the potential video game use. Imagine the catharsis of actually punching bad guys in a game. I think good old fashioned Doom would see a huge resurgence in popularity. (for those who don’t know or remember, Doom let you pummel foes with brass knuckles, and if you did enough damage, they exploded with a satisfying “splurch” into a pile of red goo. 

First person shooters would take on a whole new level and with a change in controls, the Wii would have some stiff competition for making video games that give you exercise. For the record, this isn’t a terribly original idea; Sharon Stone was practicing tennis with a hologram in Total Recall. 

I won’t get into the potential pornographic uses of holograms; no doubt that will come out within weeks of the technology becoming affordable.

  Walking in to work this morning I was hit by a thought (thankfully, not a car);  What if you could program people’s brains to experience things differently?

Now, this isn’t a terribly new idea for me, but it builds on one I had watching the Matrix one time. Joe Pontoliano (Cypher) is meeting with agent smith, and he eats a wonderful looking piece of rare beef and ruminates (as they say) on the virtues of being in the Matrix and having bullshit pumped into his brain, because in the bullshit world, he can eat steak instead of the disgusting cornmeal-in-milk looking garbage they are forced to eat in reality.

This planted a thought (which later assaulted me, this morning) which is this: what if you could, in a manner similar to Strange Days (thought recording), “record” people’s experiences, to a degree, with food. Sure, that kind of mind control would be scary; it would take about 10 minutes before some ne’er do well used it to insinuate advertising in to it, but I’ll stop the tangents and get to the point.

Imagine you are trying to lose weight. The 2 biggest complaints people have about dieting are that they don’t get to eat the things they love, and they aren’t full after eating. Imagine if you could have your salad, or diet bar or whatever, “eat responsibly” as it were, and a harmless “projection” was playing in your mind: You were eating a filet mignon, or a Big Mac, or ANYTHING you would rather be eating, followed by another suggestion when you were done that you were full.

People could walk around for the rest of their lives, feeling like they were eating like kings but really eating healthy. Likewise, water and milk would feel like you were downing Cokes or swilling beer in the middle of the day.

Think about it. And if you patent it, remember who thought it up and send some residuals my way.

I think I will make it a monster weekend. I for some reason can’t get enough of Cloverfield. And I haven’t watched any of the Alien movies in a while…

The big event this weekend, though is that I get goodies! Yeah. I haven’t made a total pig over the week, and have managed to (barely) keep to my diet range. So I am treating myself to a McDouble (I can live without 1 slice of cheese) and a 20 oz Fosters. That is 19 grams of fat and 390 calories for the burger and 254 calories for the beer. I am dying for this.

I know it seems like a minor thing, but any junk food and a good monster movie makes for a good time. Hell, a BAD monster movie would be a good time. On a more boring front, as of my last weigh in, I was 225 bone dry and naked. Its almost as horrifying as it sounds, but I’m 6 feet tall, so its not too terrible.

This morning wasn’t like a normal morning. There were 3 inches of snow on the ground, and freezing rain when I got up at 5:20 to go to work, to beat the morning rush and you know, not die getting in to the office. I had to gas up, and realised when I was a decent distance from my house, that I forgot breakfast. No biggie, I am trying to be good, so I thought maybe I would stop by Dunkin Donuts for one o ftheir egg white whole grain breakfast sandwiches. But I prefern Starbucks for the coffee.

The smart thing for me to do in such a situation would have been to hit DD and get the sandwich, and then shoot over to Starbucks for coffee, especially since even under the worst conditions, the local ones are maybe 2 minutes apart. And it was before 6, so there was no line.

No, instead my lazy ass decides to just go to Starbucks for everything. Not exactly a secret if you go back a few days, i am currently trying to lose weight. Here is the DD sandwich fat and calories(Egg White Turkey Sausage Flatbread Sandwich):

Fat: 6 grams, and calories: 280

Not awesome, but pretty godamn good on my current diet (in case you don’t feel like scrolling down, its 40 grams of fat a day and 2000 calories).

Instead, I got this:

Fat: 18 grams, calories: 370

And I said “Godamnit…..” there goes half my fat for the day. I love fat. Typically, I don’t really have to watch what i eat, my diet being pretty easy to follow, but now today, I have to take it easy.

They ask for one thing: 100 words a day. I suck at it.

Anyway, I wrote this late last year:

The 13 Most Irresponsible Fast Foods Available Today

I extol my love for fast food, then promptly show off 13 terribly bad for you examples of quick cuisine. For this, I figured I would just extol.

First entry is the Burger King Triple Stacker. 3 slabs of beef, 3 pieces of bacon, 3 pieces of cheese. “Stacker sauce”. It is a stroke waiting to happen, and it tastes like smokey cheesy love.

I can typically wolf one down in a minute or two, interspersing gulps of beer between bites. I know, I am watching my calorie and fat intake, so these are off the menu, but I am using this as a way to hopefully cathartically ingest shitty food and thereby still lose weight.

A funny aside to this, the site I grabbed the image from was referring to a Quad Stacker, yet had this pic of a triple.

Wow… If it wasn’t already pretty obvious, I suck at this whole “Keep things updated daily” thing. I’m starting things off with some boring stuff; Firstly, Its new year’s so another year of making promises to myself that I probably won’t keep, but do to make myself feel cool for a week or so before plummeting further into the abyss of “I suck”.

 I have written a couple of articles for Associated Content, one of them being about the 13 worst fast foods I could find. Aside from the list being like George Carlin’s “7 things you  can’t say on television” (that being that there are many more than the ones covered in the list, and like Carlin’s, it will be expanded in a sequal), it prompted a friend over at Horror.com (check the book linked on the right for him) to challenge me to suggest ways of eating fast food without completely ruining your healthy diet.

I am doing one better. I am following a diet laid out by my wife that worked wonders for her last year. She did 30 grams of fat or less a day and 1800 calories or less a day. Taking in to account that I am bigger in general and have no will power, we’ve settled on 40 grams of fat and 2000 calories for me. I will be using this blog to not only regale you with useless trivia about crap  I find interesting, but to track my fat and calorie intake day by day, as well as note whenever I eat fast food or have a beer, because they are both responsible for working together to make sure i use the outer holes in my belt.

So far today, I have had a tall red eye with cream and sugar from Starbucks (Coffee with an espresso shot if you aren’t familiar with the term), which from what I can tell is about 130 calories and 6 grams of fat. of course, their website only provides information about black coffee, which is damn near useless. Black coffee is basically brown water, no shit it isn’t bad for you.

See? I didnt lie.

 I found a place to get the sound clips from Portal. Lots of GlaDOS clips:

http://www.soundboard.com/sb/gameboysp13.aspx

And in case you wondered about the lyrcis at the end of the game, here they are. if you haven’t beaten Portal yet, you can’t read them. Or you will be incinerated.

This was a triumph
I’m making a note here
HUGE SUCCESS
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction
Aperture Science

and believe me I am still alive
I’m doing science and I’m still alive
I feel FANTASTIC and I’m still alive
While you are dying I’ll be still alive
and when you’re dead I’ll be still alive
STILL ALIVE, still alive

I have decide to make the week of Christmas the week of Portal. Light a yule log and cuddle up to your Apeture Science Weighted Companion Cube, toss back some egg nog and enjoy.

The flash version of Portal:

http//portal.wecreatestuff.com/Portal.swf

It’s 2-d goodness, and a great escape if you can’t install Steam on your work PC.

Cafe Press has a multitude of Portal related paraphenalia available:

http://mugs.cafepress.com/portal

And for an official (albeit expensive) way to show your undying love for Portal, head on over to the valve store to get some gear:

http://store.valvesoftware.com/

Just in case you were too distraught over the incineration of your Companion Cube, Valve has partnered with Apeture Science labs to allow you the opportunity to purchase one. Cuddle with care and remember, the Weighted Companion cube will never threaten to stab you, as it is unable to speak.

Not too much to say today, just wanted to show you that when they aren’t trying to kill you or lock horns with Gordon Freeman’s folks over at Black mesa, the Aperture Science labs folks are damn nice and want you to have a happy holidays. Any holiday will do.

 Note the festively dressed weighted companion cube. I love those things. I should be doing something on Portal in the near future; it is a genius game with a great sense of humor. And weighted companion cubes.

Keep in mind: the cake is a lie. (or is it?)